Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Houston, we have a blender
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
