A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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