i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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