i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
