It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
