OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
