she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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