Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
