Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i believe in u and ur pee
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
