So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
