I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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