If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My bed smells like the plague
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
