Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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