yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
