I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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