she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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