i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
