i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
