I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You made out with two different species that night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
