did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
