He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
