We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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