You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
