You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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