I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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