3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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