so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
