oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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