i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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