i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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