Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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