final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
