I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
