u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
