As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i drank out of a bidet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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