I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
