i can't believe i had my finger in that
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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