How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize