My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
