Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
