we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
