her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
