Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
