I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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