Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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