i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
