u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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