I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
