Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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