If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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