Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
