I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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