If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
