I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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