...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize