She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
