Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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