Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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