I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
