from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
