The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
