I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
