I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
