you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
