Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize