plz talk dirty to me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
