you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
