I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
