Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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