If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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